Are you feeling flat? Has life’s pearly luster worn down a bit and left you in monotonous auto-pilot, managing duties and keeping up with tasks,… with little evident payoff? When enthusiasm for once sacred delights wanes and our once impenetrable fortress of professional, familial, relational or aesthetic value finds itself in question; it’s not a far drop to literally lose oneself. Where do we find ourselves relevant, valuable and equally irreplaceable to those we hold dear?
Are you entrenched in the identity of something relational, heavily invested but impermanent? Has the caricature you’ve identified with become somehow antiquated? In other words, have you played the role of someones spouse, parent, child, partner, caregiver, confidant, now displaced by an evolving lack of demand? Has the season changed and flipped you irreverently on your ass?
Seasons in our lives are meant to drastically amend the prior landscape, irrevocably altering us and sharpening up our current sense of who we identify ourselves to be. We all know this, and for the most part we can come to accept it. Our children’s co-dependence is meant to wane as they grow to adulthood, expertise in any field gives way to new discovery, new figures rise in their expertise and the world cycles itself endlessly, with or without our active participation or witness.
So in humble acceptance of this natural principle, and assessment of my recent participation in the mechanisms of societal evolution, if someone was to ask me how I am feeling about my momentary contribution…. my answer would have to unequivocally be, “I FEEL FLAT”.
Most who know me would find this revelation remarkable and quite unexpected, as I am toting several badges of honor that “should”demonstrate otherwise. As a woman in my mid-forties, I have successfully raised 4 upright, enormously talented and equally healthy children to adulthood. There is also the newfound joy of recent grand-motherhood, which can be some serious fun. My education was completed finally, nearly a decade ago which boasts a doctorate, complimented with a nomination as a Global Peace Ambassador to the UPF. I have published two books, one of which has been a #1 Bestseller, and have enjoyed the fruits of a successful coaching practice. I have lived abroad and traveled to many exotic areas of this glorious globe and have the love of a passionately devoted soul mate.
Now that I have colored in the blanks and framed this life of mine a bit, I sound reminiscent of a pitifully ungrateful complainer, don’t I? Were it not for the overbearing issues that plague my soul, I wouldn’t even like myself much, let alone defend my position of melancholy.
So what’s up? Where in the heck is the apathy coming from when a plethora of blessings have already been manifested in real time?
Well, now that you ask…. there is that matter of a nation torn asunder by a political tryst engineered at the highest levels of influence. From that influential patriarchy, my understanding is that nearly EVERY aspect of our lives are manipulated against our best interests. Apparently our skies are salted relentlessly with barium, strontium and aluminum, all carcinogenic and toxic to ourselves, our soil, our water and all life upon which it falls. Our soil and crops have been neglectfully poisoned, frankensteinanly engineered with patented seed by greedy corporations. The water that we drink is regularly tested positive for excessive toxic fluoride, chlorine, a cadre of pharmaceuticals that have leached into the water table, just to name a few. Our politics appear to be in-defensively rigged, our banking institutions corrupt, our history re-written by the victors to malevolently manipulative levels meant to engender ignorance. Technology has become a worldwide virtue and vice in it’s necessity in our lives, giving rise to social media addiction and corresponding depression; not to mention excessive spending due to forced obsolescence. Need another update?…. sorry, you are out of memory! No problem… we have a “cloud” to hold ALL your sensitive, personal data. Completely safe, of course. And the cost is……
There are quite literally too many issues to list and I have only begun to be a serious buzz kill in my first blog in nearly 5 years! Should I stop myself already?
So here is the thing…….
What can I really do about any of it? How in this ever changing world of the good, the bad and the ugly can I find lasting relevance in this world? REAL, serious and MAD, far-reaching, undeniable, heart saturated RELEVANCE?
As one who holds myself to a high level of impeccability in my personal contribution, forever pushing my limits and forcing back my comfort zones, I deeply appreciated this reminder.
“Ours is not the task of fixing the entire world all at once, but of stretching out to mend the part of the world that is within our reach. Any small, calm thing that one soul can do to help another soul, to assist some portion of this poor suffering world, will help immensely. It is not given to us to know which acts or by whom, will cause the critical mass to tip toward an enduring good.”
– Clarissa Pinkola Estes
American poet, post-trauma specialist and Jungian psychoanalyst, author of Women Who Run With the Wolves.
So, upon rising….. let us ask that ever-present, Universal Consciousness, that constant pervading Wisdom and Love Presence that holds each of us eternally in It’s Wholeness,…. “What would you have me do to serve the “whole” today? What would you have me say, give, share, listen to, participate in, hold space for, be present as a witness to make a difference?”
The opportunity is always there. On the freeway. In the checkout line. In EVERY parking lot. There is always someone’s life that we can touch, lighten, brighten and witness.
It is in that space that we find purpose. It is in this daily practice that we make a difference. This is how we daily demonstrate “mad relevance“.
Where do you solicit your coupling, companioning, courting advice from? Are you a big online reader, picking up random tidbits here and there? Sort of pseudo Dr. Seuss’ing your way across the sea of internet articles, knocked loose from all natural preconceived notions about intimate human interaction? “Would you do it in a box…. would you do it with a fox….”?
Have you run through the rampant list of authors from Sherry Argov and “Why Men Marry Bitches” to Tucker Max and “I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell”?….. with a twist of Michael Fiore and “Digital Romance” radio in between?
Let’s be honest…. from the locker room to the pulpit we are all relentlessly peppered with counsel and commandment, irreverent and snarky or otherwise about how we are meant to behave with a potential partner.
So let’s just jump ahead a bit shall we? Let’s collectively decide to move past the oh so very “wonderful world of dating” and straight into intimate commitment…. whatever that looks like for you when it strikes your core!
There is SO much to be understood in maintaining the relationship and keeping it fed, thriving and alive!
In my practice I see many a single soul as well as eager couples trying to figure out if the connection was EVER truly there, how to get it back and where to go from there to NEVER loose it again.
Now really, this isn’t exclusive wisdom my friends….. it’s not even too far fetched in the evolutionary edge of relationship advice.
But it is OH SO VERY INTEGRAL TO ANSWERING THE QUESTIONS WE ALL SEEK!
Coupling that is meant to be lasting must first be “Conscious”. Knowing one’s partners “love language” as defined by Gary Chapman, investing in a weekend retreat uncovering your beloved’s “Imago” are both ways fully available to modern day couples seeking deeply meaningful union.
In my practice I define 5 Tiers to “Conscious Coupling” that give context to and richer texturing in the envisioning of ideal steps to take to achieve desired union.
The 5 Tiers of “Conscious Coupling” can be found here and on the free tools links which are as follows:
HONESTY ~ TRANSPARENCY ~ VULNERABILITY ~ PERMEABILITY ~ TRANSCENDENCY
1. Honesty is the first tier of being a conscious member of a couple as one must first be honest with oneself. How can we build a pillar of honesty and integrity in a relationship when we are deluding ourselves? Within that honesty we can glean clarity about who we are, what it is that we truly want for ourselves in our lives and how another individual can compliment that life and the dreams that we seek in our present and future.
2. Transparency is the act of being “seen” in a relationship sufficient that we can be deeply understood. Intimacy has been recently broken down by experts as “into-me-see”. This is only possible if we are able to reveal the essence of ourselves confidently to our intimate partner without any veils of illusion. We must be true and available to remain unmasked and open to the same level of transparency in our partners.
3. Vulnerability is an automatic byproduct of the second tier of Conscious Coupling. When we have allowed with genuine honesty to make ourselves transparent to our partners, being that they have demonstrated sufficient sensitivity and trust to earn this level of raw nakedness from us, we are automatically vulnerable and thereby accessible to a true union.
4. Permeability is the melding of thoughts, feelings, beliefs, perceptions, intentions, literally the full range of our personal energy with our partner. The goal of permeability is to be made “more” in our wholeness with our partner than we could possibly be alone. Quantum physics has demonstrated that the cumulative energy of committed couples exponentially increases intended effects in any given goal or endeavor.
5. Transcendency is the ultimate goal of conscious coupling. The Divine is magnified and mirrored in ourselves and in our beloved, returning us to an awakened state of macrocosm, endless connectedness and a transcendent state of personal purpose. We are literally able to reclaim an exalted state of connection with our true state of being, which is sublime connection to the whole of the Universe and every soul in existence.
“Our love for each other up-framed everything, transforming the dust, the dirt, the madness of the world into inspired delight. That’s the thing about great love… It elevates everything around it. You walk through a forest together and it becomes a great temple. You eat a meal together and you sit at God’s banquet table. You merge your bodies and all heaven breaks loose. That’s why we can’t stop singing about love… every verse is an invitation to wholeness.” Jeff Brown
Isn’t your invaluable investment of time in an intimate partner, perhaps even a “soul mate” worth allowing yourself this? A deep, enriching, expansive and yes, even transcendent connection with your love?