Honor yourself and never undermine your intuitive wisdom!

My last blog lightly touched on the profound experience that I shared with a colleague taking sabbatical and walking the 1000 year old pilgrimage of the “Camino de Santiago de Compostella”.  Throughout and well after that experience I was left with the profound conviction that walking life “our way” and not falsely for others was prerequisite to a fulfilling and authentic life.  I was also distinctively impressed with the conviction that I required sabbatical several times a year rather than once a decade, as was my prior record.

With that self knowledge I scheduled to take sabbatical in the form of a 10 day silent meditation retreat the first part of this year to do some internal and soulful “spring cleaning” and renew my connection with my inner voice. 

Being clear in my core values and deepest priorities, I prepared family, home, practice clients and colleagues with my details for time away and confirmed the reservation with the retreat center.  The commitment to remain with the program for 10 full days of meditative retreat was very strict and I was without question determined to enjoy every blissfully quiet day provided there.

It was then  with bewilderment that, on the 4th day of silent relfection I found myself questioning that conviction.   While meditating with a member of the staff about my intention towards the remainder of the program  I found myself forced to consider a very different plan. 

As an intuitive, I have always utilized a technique when attempting to make a decision regarding multiple future scenarios.  Ultimately, I project my energetic intention into the prevalent future options before me and when I can see one develop clearly in my minds eye, in full color and accompanying emotion, I know the direction to take.

I found myself meditating with a member of the staff about my remaining 6 days of the program only to draw a complete blank.  What?  Why?  Isn’t this what I passionately wanted?  Where is the energy towards it?

When I relinquished to envision myself leaving the program and returning home I immediately saw my two teenage children rushing towards me earnestly and with great need.  Taken aback by this very clear and stirring vision I couldn’t shake and realizing that I could only confirm this energetic “call home” by breaking my silence and leaving the program, I chose to trust my intuition as my deepest resource and connection to the Divine and honor my answer.

It was immediately upon being reunited with my belongings and technology that I discovered my daughter had called in deep distress tearfully the evening before and had left a message pleading for my return and simultaneously a message from my son expressing his need for assistance due to having become ill in my 4 days absence and having not recovered sufficiently alone.  I felt this was sufficient for my “call home” until the morning of the following day when I was to learn the truly powerful gift that “listening” to one’s internal wisdom consistently provides.  The morning following my return my time was needed to take my 15 year old daughter to school, as her 17 year old brother was still taking the time home to mend from his illness.  It was during that drive that I was struck with the full impact of my decision.

My daughter and I share a very open and transparent dialogue wherein I am privy to the many impressions, perceptions, opinions and potential plans of my still too innocent child.  She shared having met a boy that had been contacting her since my departure of 5 days ago and his chat messages, pictures shared, requests to meet her at a movie theatre, her impressions of his pictures and dialogue with him, etc.  In listening my interest grew keener as I realized that the timeline and sequence of her sharing seemed strangely incongruent.  How long have you known this boy?  How old is he?  You met him where?  He says he attends your school but you met online?  He has asked to meet you at a movie theater rather than approaching you at school directly?  He wants you to meet him sometime today?

Red flashed through my mind like a screaming wave of panic.  This story is ALL wrong!  Within minutes I had my daughter promise to turn off her phone, stay collectively with her friends throughout the day, be available to be picked up in the carpool immediately after school and under no circumstances leave the campus.  Within 2 hours my concerns were completely validated and I was fully informed that this 17 year old boy did not exist within the school system, that the entity that stole the identity of this handsome 17 year old persona had been contacting other girls in my daughters circle of friends and at her high school and that he was in truth a cyber stalker, equipped with all he needed to lure unsuspecting young ladies into compromising circumstances, should parents not be communicative and savvy enough to be aware of their child’s innermost lives.

My sweet, precious and innocent daughter was spared a potential unknown horror at the hands of a child predator because I was listening!  I was not only listening to my inner voice of guidance and direction but continued to listen to those that I treasure most and that I have aligned with and committed my core intentions to.

I am a mother first and as this resonates most deeply with my core values and obligations, I could be directed by my inner knowing to question a commitment to myself for silence and sabbatical that was perilously incongruent with the safety and preservation of my dear child.

Because of my swift intervention, no meeting was to take place with a child predator that day and other young ladies at my daughter’s school were quickly advised to be on alert and discontinue any further dialogue with this disturbed mind, bent on unknown intentions.  All were spared.

Living purposefully, living fully and living passionately in touch with who we are at our core devoted to is the freeing gift I am living in this day… in this moment.  I am eternally grateful for the wisdom that continues to emerge because of my consistent connection to Source.

The balance of time….. for self, for family, for service, for career, for community, for wherever else we show up in this lifetime is always in a state of flux.  Allow for the flexibility to question when questions arise.  Rigidity would not have served me had I upheld my initial commitment to have stayed with my retreat program.  Rigidity would have robbed me of the flow of Universal wisdom.  Ridgidy would have been a grave loss that need not be born.

May Universal wisdom flow in each of your lives.  May you be blessed with expansive intuitive awareness and feel the gratitude that being in touch with that power and all it provides.

Peace.

Road trips and “In-laws” and traffic,… oh my!

The joys of life can only be fully savored when there is a degree of “balance” in our lives. 

How do you choose to manage the duties, responsibilities, relationships and professional commitments that are yours to grow and maintain?

My “first” life’s focus was nearly exclusively on family.  I was raised to be my mother.  She personified the consummate homemaker, mother, charitable volunteer, wife, neighbor, church goer and coordinator extraordinaire!  It was clear to me and each of my 4 other sisters that she was the goal, or at least the role she played and how she played it.

I tried that dance, for the most part rather successfully, always placing my husband and children first in every equation, avidly studying in my holistic profession and applying its benefits directly and almost exclusively to my family first.  My years of education, travelling abroad in pursuit of knowledge and growing my career came to a standstill.  I had my priorities and I was expected to fulfill them.  I even found that I wanted to.

But as all life’s roads diverge and challenge us with new opportunities, I too found myself in new territory as a single mother and provider of my 4 children and was genuinely lambasted by the demands each of my new vocations required of me.  Where were the hours to be a full-time mother?  I still have children requiring homeschooling, which I provided up until that point, how to address my children’s’ educational needs?  Who will make the meals, read the endless school papers and put the children to bed?  How on earth are all these other single, professional mothers doing this?  Who, for heaven’s sake has time to volunteer in the school or show up for the dreaded parent-teacher conferences?

I was completely displaced.  I had many, many anxious questions and eventually I realized that I simply wasn’t going to be stellar in every single one of my endeavors!  Really?  OH YES!

So what was most important to me, personally?  What were my emerging values and where was my precious time going to be the most meaningful?

I decided immediately that my previous values and heartfelt devotion to family was still primary and unshakable.  My children would only BE children for a short time and those years could never be recalled and lived fully once gone.

At that time and today, I find my balance in the day-to-day while holding my anchored notion that they, my children and now, my new husband, came first.  Now that doesn’t mean that I drop a client to take the family for ice cream.  What that means is I haven’t shifted the drive to grow and serve through my practice at the expense of my dearest ones.

So, this summer we took several, scattered weeks off to attend my family reunion in Colorado and my husbands reunion in upstate New York.  We had an impromptu weekend with dear friends in Myrtle Beach. We turned these trips into memory building extravaganzas!  We filled each juicy moment with adventures and thrills, to include ziplining through the majestic Rocky Mountains, packing ourselves en mass into an overfull Rockies baseball game and enduring the waves of rainstorms unshaken, singing and cursing through the gridlock and traffic of the New Jersey turnpike, insatiably playing rounds of canasta with the in-laws, storming through New York City with the aunts and uncles conquering one city block at a time, and being lulled into slumber under a full moon over the water, on a blow up mattress off the balcony of our friends overfull condo!  

Did I lose business?  Did my income diminish somewhat?  Was I as rested as I could have been if I had chosen to stay home and serve more clients, teach more workshops or write more blogs?  Perhaps.  Was it totally and completely worth it?  YOU BET!

You see, the Universe is unending abundance,… the ultimate giver.  There was more clients to be met, more business to be made and many more dollars to show up in my life.

The point is, I am finding my balance.  I am living fully, loving completely and holding time in precious now that it is.  And enjoying it too!

Have you found yours?  Carpe Diem!!!