Cultivating Self

Cultivating self

Have you reached certain poignant moments in your life when you take stock of all that you are being, doing and accomplishing and realize that you are deeply unfulfilled?

Many of us arrive in this barren desert of juiceless emotions and unexcitable days rolling one after the other.  Many of my clients show up directly in my office for this very reason alone.  Some ask…”is there something wrong with my heart…. I can’t feel things like I used to”.  Some are concerned about the viability of their most intimate relationships and question if they may be over.

It is nothing short of imperative to reveal these moments of emptiness for what they really are.  A calling to reconnect with your most intimate inner longing…. To connect with yourself.

In my practice I refer to these moments as cultivating my solar plexus.

Recently I was privileged to be able to celebrate my birthday in grand fashion.  I was flown “home” to Los Angeles where I had grown up and where the bulk of my formative memories originated from.  In this magnificent city I could experience the visceral pull of the great Pacific Blue on my identity cord.  My old neighborhood and familiar hotpots were all present and reminding me of days gone by.  Family and friends fed this reawakening through nostalgic drives, social get-togethers and reflections of youthful escapades.

 I was simply marinating in a huge aspect of myself lying dormant for so many years now.  Ahhhh, YOU!  I remember YOU!  You are me and I am so much more than I am living fully in my present moment.  May I cultivate more of “YOU” back into my self- image in the now?

When we open up to these ripe opportunities of reflective delight, we are primed to remember what we may still desire to express about ourselves…. What deep unfilled longings have been left unanswered?

Make a list!  Make it fun and rediscover yourself.  Do this as often as you feel prompted to wake up to yourself anew.  Discover the richness within you and then set it free.   Watch how other aspects of your life take on new texture and dimension.

Reconnecting to self is to cultivate oneself.  To do so is to know oneself most deeply and live from there.

What within you is waiting to be heard and break free?

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Road trips and “In-laws” and traffic,… oh my!

The joys of life can only be fully savored when there is a degree of “balance” in our lives. 

How do you choose to manage the duties, responsibilities, relationships and professional commitments that are yours to grow and maintain?

My “first” life’s focus was nearly exclusively on family.  I was raised to be my mother.  She personified the consummate homemaker, mother, charitable volunteer, wife, neighbor, church goer and coordinator extraordinaire!  It was clear to me and each of my 4 other sisters that she was the goal, or at least the role she played and how she played it.

I tried that dance, for the most part rather successfully, always placing my husband and children first in every equation, avidly studying in my holistic profession and applying its benefits directly and almost exclusively to my family first.  My years of education, travelling abroad in pursuit of knowledge and growing my career came to a standstill.  I had my priorities and I was expected to fulfill them.  I even found that I wanted to.

But as all life’s roads diverge and challenge us with new opportunities, I too found myself in new territory as a single mother and provider of my 4 children and was genuinely lambasted by the demands each of my new vocations required of me.  Where were the hours to be a full-time mother?  I still have children requiring homeschooling, which I provided up until that point, how to address my children’s’ educational needs?  Who will make the meals, read the endless school papers and put the children to bed?  How on earth are all these other single, professional mothers doing this?  Who, for heaven’s sake has time to volunteer in the school or show up for the dreaded parent-teacher conferences?

I was completely displaced.  I had many, many anxious questions and eventually I realized that I simply wasn’t going to be stellar in every single one of my endeavors!  Really?  OH YES!

So what was most important to me, personally?  What were my emerging values and where was my precious time going to be the most meaningful?

I decided immediately that my previous values and heartfelt devotion to family was still primary and unshakable.  My children would only BE children for a short time and those years could never be recalled and lived fully once gone.

At that time and today, I find my balance in the day-to-day while holding my anchored notion that they, my children and now, my new husband, came first.  Now that doesn’t mean that I drop a client to take the family for ice cream.  What that means is I haven’t shifted the drive to grow and serve through my practice at the expense of my dearest ones.

So, this summer we took several, scattered weeks off to attend my family reunion in Colorado and my husbands reunion in upstate New York.  We had an impromptu weekend with dear friends in Myrtle Beach. We turned these trips into memory building extravaganzas!  We filled each juicy moment with adventures and thrills, to include ziplining through the majestic Rocky Mountains, packing ourselves en mass into an overfull Rockies baseball game and enduring the waves of rainstorms unshaken, singing and cursing through the gridlock and traffic of the New Jersey turnpike, insatiably playing rounds of canasta with the in-laws, storming through New York City with the aunts and uncles conquering one city block at a time, and being lulled into slumber under a full moon over the water, on a blow up mattress off the balcony of our friends overfull condo!  

Did I lose business?  Did my income diminish somewhat?  Was I as rested as I could have been if I had chosen to stay home and serve more clients, teach more workshops or write more blogs?  Perhaps.  Was it totally and completely worth it?  YOU BET!

You see, the Universe is unending abundance,… the ultimate giver.  There was more clients to be met, more business to be made and many more dollars to show up in my life.

The point is, I am finding my balance.  I am living fully, loving completely and holding time in precious now that it is.  And enjoying it too!

Have you found yours?  Carpe Diem!!!